somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
