Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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