dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
