So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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