she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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