It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
