even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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