So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
