Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
