i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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