apparently the secret to your success is patron
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize