what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
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i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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