while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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