I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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