Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
