yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
