saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mom said you looked used
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
