bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
