I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
