i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
