lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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