I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
