You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
