I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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