we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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