They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize