Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
