is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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