At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
