I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
