My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
