oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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