He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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