Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
