I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
how does that bad decision feel?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
