Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
