Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
