I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
