i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
