We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
