Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
