I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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