I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
