thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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