If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
