She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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