Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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