He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
