If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
