saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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