you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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