I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
