Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This house was built for laser tag.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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