Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
