hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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