I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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