you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
