you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
