my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
