you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
