At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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