you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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