I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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