Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
