So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
