Three words: puerto rican gang bang
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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