false alarm. still invincible.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
