ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
