The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
