genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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