Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
