i need an iv and a liver transplant
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
